Women: Don't Diet. Improve Nutrition Instead To Feel Better, Experts Say

Dieting. It’s an ugly word that can bring shame and anxiety to many women. The concept of focusing on losing weight — whether for health or body positivity reasons — implies that you have failed at one of life’s most basic functions, eating food.

Once women turn 40 maintaining muscle tone and keeping weight off becomes increasingly harder as menopause approaches. Combined with the daily stresses of work, child-rearing and everything else in between, plus a global pandemic that has placed a heavy burden on women, taking care of oneself is an exhausting idea.

My weight loss journey started in my 20s as I ate my way through an emotionally turbulent time in my life. Over the years I tried Weight Watchers, counting calories, exercising, pills and even went a whole hour thinking I could swallow salt water and lemon juice for a cleanse. Inevitably, life overwhelmed me and anything good I was doing for myself fell to the wayside as I took care of those around me instead.

Most recently, my younger daughter was hospitalized for suicidal ideation. She spent a total of 25 days in an inpatient psychiatric facility and additional time doing outpatient therapy. Just three months earlier, I had started a new job and a new business. I would sit all day for work, sit in the car to see her 45-60 minutes each way, sit while we visited and come home and go to sleep to start the process over again in the morning. In between, I was trying to take care of my older daughter, our home and keep my own sanity. I gained 20 pounds during that short time.

That fall, my husband’s brother died suddenly, followed by both of his grandparents in a span of about a month.

As soon as it felt like we were starting to heal, the Covid-19 pandemic forced a stay at home order and my girls began remote learning while my husband, a college professor, began teaching from home.

After the holidays, as I was binging more Netflix and working my way through leftovers, my husband began his first diet. Working with fitness trainer and nutrition consultant Maria Faller, he started a reboot cutting out all sugars, carbs and dairy for three weeks. During that time he dropped enough pounds that I figured it couldn’t hurt for me to join him — I was eating half my meals in that style anyway, right?

Faller’s plan balances nutrition and vitamin needs to shock your system into losing weight. Each week — there are six total in the plan — shocks your body into working harder to lose weight. What I hadn’t considered was that, after years of neglect, my body wasn’t going to be happy with these changes. By the end of the first week, I was hungry, tired and very cranky. To boot, I hadn’t lost even an ounce of weight.

That was when I began talking to a variety of health professionals, Faller included, to see what I was doing right and wrong, what changes I could make to feel good during the process and learn enough to share my findings. Because, quite honestly, had my husband not been doing this with me, I would have quit and drowned my hunger pains in a box of cookies.

Talk to your doctor first

All the experts I spoke to agreed, you should have a doctor on board with your diet plan before you begin. Having a full blood panel done to check for thyroid, hormone and vitamin level inconsistencies that could be contributing to carrying too much weight or the inability to lose weight. In particular, they suggested asking for a check on selenium, ferritin, electrolyte and CRT (celiac) levels. I had my doctor’s support in finding a diet plan and the blood work before I started my journey.

Women, or anyone who doesn’t eat fish on a regular basis or eats vegetarian or vegan, should make sure they have their iodine levels checked. According to Trey Triplette, a certified performance nutritionist and AADE diabetes coach, low levels of iodine, a chemical that can impact metabolism and appetite, doesn’t always mean you’re eating a bad diet. Personal hygiene products including skin care, toothpaste and mouthwash can also inhibit the body’s ability to absorb iodine, he said.

Don’t diet

Changing the way you eat should be a progression of change that you can maintain. If you can’t eat something, have a craving or even just a bad day, you aren’t failing. You had a bad day, tomorrow will be better. Dr. Keith Ayoob, a professor and clinician specializing in obesity, child nutrition and family dynamics, suggests building better habits by being realistic.

Caitlin Havener, nutritionist, whole food blogger and mom-of-four likes to challenge clients to buy as many fresh fruits and veggies as they can, then use them before they go bad to get themselves started.

“Don’t give up because you’re not perfect.” – Caitlin Havener

Skip keto, but try intermittent fasting

The mention of a keto diet brought groans from the experts. The diet, which focuses on meats and fats, was designed for brain conditions such as multiple sclerosis and epilepsy, according to Faller. Ayoob added that the need for supplements with this diet is a red flag. He said the plan is not balanced or nutritious and has side effects such as constipation, fatigue and bad breath.

Triplette was more generous and acknowledged that if you are medically obese starting with keto will help you lose a lot of weight fast. However, he strongly suggested having an exit plan from the diet because it is not good longterm for heart health or cholesterol.

Intermittent fasting, however, can be as simple as not eating after a certain time of night and not having your first meal before a certain time of the morning. It doesn’t have to be a full program of starts and stops.

As for calorie counting, if it helps you, go ahead. Ayoob just warns that just because you’re within your calorie limits doesn’t mean you’re eating a balanced diet. Personally, with calorie counting, I would leave a significant number of calories for junk food, which, in hindsight, might have been part of why my dieting has always failed. I also got tired of the process after numerous weeks thinking about what I was eating. Using Faller’s plan — or a plan from any nutritionist you’re comfortable with — I had a list of what to eat that day and knew I’d be within my caloric requirements without counting, which has helped the mental fatigue of changing the way I consume food.

Take it slow

Again, the experts agreed that by changing one thing at a time, doing little things like swapping your sandwich for a salad, will make it easier to keep with a new way to eat long term. Jumping in as I did is NOT recommended.

Havener suggests starting by settling in to eat so you begin eating slower and putting your fork down in between bites while Ayoob warned against weighing yourself ever day, especially if you ate a particularly salty meal. Weekly is more than enough.

“Do this for you. You can’t be too busy to take care of yourself.” – Dr. Keith Ayoob

Add exercise

My doctor reminds me that getting 30 minutes of heart-pumping exercise is recommended by the American Heart Association every time I see him. And he’s not incorrect. Getting from zero to 30 is daunting through! Ayoob suggests starting with shorter intervals and building up. He noted humans not only get a mood lift from exercise, but hunger cues will improve as well as you exercise more.

Faller recommended 15-minutes of resistance training such as lunges, squats, planks and assisted pushups. She noted that this will also aid in reducing osteoporosis, a common breaking down of bones that happens frequently in women after menopause.

Speaking of menopause

Heather Fowler, who is a board certified integrative nutrition coach with specialty in women’s hormone health, talked with me about prepping women’s bodies for “the change.” Interestingly enough, her advice echoed that of what was on the list of foods to eat for weight loss. In addition to adding more leafy greens, Fowler said adding cruciferous vegetables to your diet was important. What are those exactly? I wondered myself. She explained the include items such as cauliflower, Brussels sprouts, broccoli and more. Fruits to add to your diet include pomegranate and grapefruit.

While I enjoy the veggies, those two fruits are a deal breaker for me. So how do you add what’s good for you when your taste buds rebel? Juice it! Blend them with flavors you do enjoy. I took her advice recently and choked down some grapefruit segments by adding pineapple to the bite. Gold star for me!

I asked her about what should be removed as well. Top of the list – red meat and dairy, followed by cured meats like sausage and luncheon meats.

Ayoob took a moment to note on the subject of dairy saying that replacing traditional milk with soy increases the chances of osteoporosis, so instead of eliminating dairy altogether, choose low fat options in moderation. Fowler agreed, sharing that completely switching before menopause could, in her opinion, be dangerous.

Do it your way

I am fortunate to be on this journey with a partner, but it’s not always easy. There are foods I love that he hates and vice versa. My first protein shake was horrible — I choked it down and wondered what the heck I was thinking trying this reboot. Then I watched my husband make it and saw the problem. I took over making my own shakes, adding one ingredient at a time instead of dumping everything in at once. I’m not saying it’s his fault, but we did burn out a blender during this process.

And stand up for yourself and your choices. Don’t let anyone bully you into not eating what you like. That goes for children as well. I’m fortunate my kids like a wide variety of fruits and veggies, but they are teenagers and will wrinkle their noses at things. Ayoob went so far as to say you need to set boundaries and let them work through the rest — you’re not there to be a short order cook or the subject of bullying for your food choices.

Mixing up what they like and the foods that work for you is a great compromise. Havener suggested Buddha bowls, changing up your spice rack and getting your produce delivered. Cutting out the grocery store trip leaves time in a tight schedule for meal prep, something Triplette said is a key component to changing how you eat.

But be open to new things too. Since we started, I have gotten my husband to try zucchini noodles, spaghetti squash and roasted Brussels sprouts — he’s not a fan of any of them.

You’re not crazy

There are significant psychological and physiological components to losing weight. I spoke to clinical mental health and functional nutritional therapy practitioner Lucia Hawley about how stress contributes to weight gain and poor eating habits, in particular, how to restart your way of life without losing your mind. She shared that when a person is under a significant amount of stress their body goes into a sympathetic mode. When a body is in a fight or flight mode it burns nutrients faster so it needs supplements to keep functioning. She described it as bailing water out of a boat with a hole in it — it’s never going to work. Women’s bodies are prone to being chronically stressed out, particularly those who are caretakers. This puts them in a position to be deficient.

To start, figure out if your stress is escapable, Hawley said. When experiencing a stressful situation, be curious, she said. What part of the day includes a stressor that can be avoided?

Sometimes it’s not the present that causes stress, but the past. Until the brain surrenders the experience the cycle will continue she said. Whether you experienced a trauma or just have bad memories that, even unconsciously, haunt you, finding a way to pull yourself to the present and creating a new pattern can help tamper the experience.

For emotional eaters, Hawley said it becomes an all or nothing pattern and a person’s self-identity comes into play. Here, changes in self-care become a focal point to break the eating cycle. Many women, she shared, believe that “being healthy and living [their] lives can’t happen at the same time.” A belief, she said, is perpetuated by the American culture of diets.

For me, I cannot escape the stress, and I’m confident I’m not alone in that. The experts agreed that starting some form of therapy to help you through the hurdles is a great way to go. I am not the biggest fan of talking, much less talking about my problems, so I lean towards saying no when I don’t want to do something or staying home because it’s best for me at that moment. People pleasing, Hawley said, was a big stress that was easy to shed. I think I get another gold star for doing it already!

Take it with you

One of the hardest parts of eating well is going out. Restaurants typically have options in which you can ask for sauces and dressings on the side. But when gathering with family for special occasions or joining friends for a party or barbecue, it can become harder.

The experts I spoke to said to eat through your day as you normally would before you go. Don’t let yourself get hungry — that leads to over-eating. Go in understanding this could increase your calorie count and be comfortable with the idea that it is okay. Plan to choose one major cheat from the offerings, Triplette suggested, while bringing a dish you can eat without worry.

When choosing from a seated dinner, Fowler suggests exploring all the offerings, but start eating salads and veggies first, leaving the highest calorie items for last so you’re close to full before indulging. Offering to bring a salad or side you can enjoy works here too.

Be happy

At the end of it all, you need to enjoy life. If that means a piece of chocolate or glass of wine, go for it. Hawley’s answer when I asked if she could tell women to do one thing for themselves gave me tingles because I am very guilty of putting myself to the side. She said, go do the one thing you’ve been putting off doing. For me, it is getting a pedicure. I still haven’t because it hadn’t stopped snowing, but I did color my hair purple — something that I had been wanting to do again for an even longer amount of time.

Fowler’s answer gave me equal joy. When addressing the mid-afternoon slump, she said to address how you’re feeling in the moment. It may be you just need a hug. And I swear, going through the first weeks of my reboot, a hug from my kids really did give me a chance to take a breath and regroup. If you can’t get a hug, go for a quick walk or meditate to get that release.

At the end of the day, creating a healthier, stronger you is a process that takes time and effort. But remember, it took a long time to learn the bad habits, so unlearning them and creating new ones will take time as well.

“It’s okay to have a bad day.” – Lucia Hawley