Ah, chocolate. That magical substance can turn a bad day into a tolerable one and a good day into something resembling nirvana. Naturally, when I got my hands on a pile of chocolatey snacks from Unreal and DEFI, I thought, “Oh great, another excuse to eat my feelings in the name of ‘research.’”
Let’s dive into the joy — and the judgment — of these treats.
Unreal Snacks
First up, Unreal’s Dark Chocolate Coconut Bars. According to the packaging, these bars have only three ingredients. Three. And somehow, they still taste better than half the things I regret buying in the candy aisle. The shredded coconut is sweet without cloying, and the dark chocolate wraps around it like a warm hug. Honestly, it’s like a mini beach vacation, except without the sunburn or the sand in awkward places. Bonus points for only 3 grams of sugar. It’s practically healthy food. Next time I’m on a juice cleanse, I’ll have one of these and call it a day.
The Dark Chocolate Caramel Peanut Nougat Bars happen when a popular candy bar decides to get a conscience. They’re made with over 70% organic ingredients and no corn syrup — because, you know, we’re all trying to pretend we’re health-conscious while shoving chocolate in our mouths. The caramel has that perfect sticky-gooey texture that will absolutely glue your teeth together, but in the best possible way. With the nougat and peanuts, someone turned your guilty pleasure into a socially acceptable snack.
Unreal’s Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups claim they didn’t invent the peanut butter cup — but they perfected it. Bold claim. I respect it. And honestly? They might not be wrong. The dark chocolate has that satisfying snap when you bite into it, and the peanut butter is so creamy it’s practically spreading itself on toast. With 36% less sugar than the leading brand, you can eat these and pretend you’re making solid life choices. Bravo, Unreal.
Then we have the Dark Chocolate Almond Butter Cups. They said, “Hey, let’s make the peanut butter cup classier.” The almond butter has that smooth, nutty flavor with just a hint of salt that makes you think, “Wow, I’m sophisticated now.” They also boast 36% less sugar, which means you can eat three in a row and still feel like you’re winning at life. Perfect for impressing guests or shoveling in your mouth after a long day.
These Dark Chocolate Peanut Gems are what happens when someone takes a childhood favorite, removes all the artificial garbage, and somehow makes it taste even better. The candy shell is colored with beet juice and spirulina, so you can tell yourself you’re eating vegetables. The crunch is dangerously addictive — like, don’t-open-this-bag-unless-you-plan-to-finish-it addictive. They also make great road trip snacks, hiking fuel, or just something to eat mindlessly while binge-watching questionable reality TV.
DEFI Superfood Bites
Finally, we have the DEFI Superfood Bites. DEFI stands for Delicious Energizing Fitness Indulgence, but honestly, it should stand for “Dang, Every Flavor’s Incredible.” These little chocolate bites combine buckwheat, protein, and other superfoods into something that tastes like a cheat day but fuels you like a workout.
My personal favorite was the Dark Chocolate Pink Himalayan Salt Crispy Superfood Bite. It’s salty, crispy, and sweet in that “I deserve this” way. Plus, they donate 1% of their profits to women-owned startups, so my snacking habit is now philanthropy.
They also offer Milk Chocolate Crispy Superfood Bites and Dark Chocolate Crispy Superfood Bites, each bringing their unique combination of rich chocolate and crispy goodness. Honestly, you can’t go wrong with any of them. They figured out how to make chocolate count as a workout. Genius.
Final Thoughts
Have you covered if you’re looking for chocolate that doesn’t come with guilt, Unreal, and DEFI? They’ve managed to turn indulgence into something vaguely responsible, so I salute them. Excuse me, I need to “research” another bag of Peanut Gems.
Purely for science, of course.