Ah, Milk. That timeless white beverage of yesteryear, now with a glow-up nobody asked for—but we’re all secretly intrigued by. Enter Milk50 by DairyPure, the dairy industry’s equivalent of a midlife crisis: still milk, but with 75% less sugar, 50 calories, and still 9 grams of protein per serving. Yes, it’s milk that went to therapy, joined a gym, and now won’t shut up about how good it feels.
Milk50 is what happens when dairy gets a PR team. According to the carton (which I now read more than cereal boxes), this stuff is ultra-filtered. That’s right—ultra. Not regularly filtered. Not even mildly sieved. Ultra. I don’t know precisely what that means, but it sounds like something that involves a lot of machinery, impressive-looking tubes, and a dairy cow getting a TED Talk.
I tried the Original Milk50 first, which promised “real milk taste” but with just 3 grams of sugar. I was pleasantly surprised after a tentative sip (half expecting the ghost of a Splenda packet to appear). It tastes like milk. Not like nut juice pretending to be milk. Not like that watery oat stuff that tastes like it regrets being born—actual, honest-to-goodness milk.
Of course, I couldn’t stop there. I went for the Vanilla Milk50, which, I assume, is for people who want dessert but pretend it’s a beverage. It’s sweetened with stevia and allulose, which sounds like a botanical law firm but apparently makes the milk taste like a melted milkshake with a clean-eating phase. It was surprisingly smooth, albeit with the lingering sense that I was consuming something that had been focus-grouped into submission.
Then came the Chocolate Milk50—the final boss. Now, I firmly believe that chocolate milk should be shamelessly decadent. If I wanted subtlety, I’d drink chamomile tea and reevaluate my life choices. This version? It’s sweetened with sucralose and acesulfame potassium, Latin for “it’s gonna taste like diet soda met a Hershey bar in an alley.” It was… fine. Like, “this is what you drink when pretending not to want real chocolate milk,” fine. I didn’t hate it, but I had questions.
Let’s talk price. It’s not cheap. But neither is self-respect, and after years of watering down almond “milk” to convince myself I liked it, I can confidently say: I deserve better. Also, Milk50 doesn’t separate weirdly after five minutes in your coffee. That alone is worth a slow clap.
Would I rebuy it? Honestly… yes. It changed my life, not because it’s the first “healthy” milk that didn’t make me feel like I was settling. It’s like they took milk, stripped it down, dressed it up in something sporty, and sent it back out with fewer calories and an attitude.
So if you’re standing in the dairy aisle wondering whether to commit to the bottle of Milk50 that’s making eye contact with you from the top shelf—go for it. Just know you’re about to drink something that’s trying hard to make milk cool again.
Because why drink regular milk when you can with a filter complex?