Let me start by saying: I have trust issues. Mostly with any food product that describes itself as “high in probiotics” and “chef-crafted” in the same sentence. It usually ends with me pretending to enjoy something that tastes like flavored wall paste to impress the health-conscious people in my life. But I gave Nosh Foods a go anyway, because I like a challenge. Also, it comes with crackers. And I’ll do questionable things for crackers.
Their new line of nuNosh cashew spreads reads like a dream journal for someone who shops exclusively in the Whole Foods refrigerator section. We’re talking flavors like Spicy Cheddah, Spinach Artichoke, Big Dill, Chive Cheddah, and Caprese. Five flavors. Zero dairy. Infinite confusion.
The spreads are made from six things: cashews, quinoa, water, and a rotating cast of local produce that sounds like woodland creatures handpicked it. I know, it sounds suspiciously wholesome—but don’t worry. They somehow made it taste like actual food. The cashew base is fermented using their “proprietary process,” which I assume involves some wizardry and a probiotic séance, because how else do you make cashews taste like cheese without sorcery?
Now, let’s get into the flavors:
Spinach Artichoke
You know when people say, “It tastes just like the real thing!” and you can immediately tell it doesn’t? This isn’t that. I was prepared to hate this one, but it’s oddly…delicious. Roasted artichoke, sautéed spinach, and garlic somehow combine into something that could trick even your most carnivorous uncle into admitting, “yeah, it’s not bad.” Did I eat it all in one sitting while hovering over the sink like a raccoon? Yes. And I’m not sorry.
Chive Cheddah / Big Dill
First of all, these two are practically twins. One leans heavily on the dill, the other whispers sweet chive nothings. Both taste like someone figured out how to make a vegan cheese spread that doesn’t make you question your life choices. I slathered them on a sandwich and felt marginally better about myself than when I used to do the same with neon-orange processed cheese goo.
Spicy Cheddah
Now we’re talking. This one has a little kick. Not a punch-you-in-the-face kind of heat, but more of a sassy flick on the back of your tongue. I added this to a rice bowl and briefly considered texting my ex to brag about my mature adult palate.
Caprese
This is their attempt at bottling the essence of a Tuscan vacation. While I wouldn’t describe it as “sunset in Italy,” it gives you a solid mix of roasted garlic and sun-dried tomatoes, making it feel very fancy. I stirred it into some pasta, and suddenly I had a meal that looked like I tried. (Spoiler: I didn’t.)
The nuNosh snack packs come with vegan, gluten-free crackers, which sounds like a punishment, but they’re actually decent. They’re good enough that I considered pocketing a few for later. The 2 oz. Portions are perfect if you’re always hungry but irrationally afraid of commitment.
And let’s not ignore the nutrition stats. Six grams of protein per serving, probiotics for your gut, no artificial garbage, and dairy-free, soy-free, and guilt-optional. It’s a snack designed for people who want to eat like a functional adult without giving up flavor.
nuNosh spreads are the rare unicorn of healthy snacking: they taste good, are made from actual food, and don’t require you to lie to yourself. I’m as shocked as you are.
Final verdict?
I came for the skepticism. I stayed for the Spicy Cheddah. And yes, I’d eat it again, possibly with a spoon.