I’ve eaten a lot of protein snacks in my day. Some tasted like drywall with a gym membership. Others were one bite away from sending me into existential despair. And then along came Scott’s Protein Balls, proudly handcrafted by a husband who just wanted his wife to snack on something that didn’t taste like regret. How quaint. How noble. How… suspiciously delicious.
Let’s talk origin story: Scott made these for his wife Lori during her breast cancer recovery, which, frankly, makes my snacking motivations feel a bit shallow in comparison. (“I’m eating these because I skipped lunch and feel dead inside” doesn’t exactly tug the heartstrings.) But hey, thanks to his compassion and some seriously strategic flavor blending, I now have a protein snack that doesn’t taste like punishment.
First up: Mint Chocolate Chip. This flavor is what happens when your favorite ice cream goes to therapy, gets a job, and decides it’s time to contribute to society. It’s cool, it’s refreshing, and it delivers that nostalgic “fighting over the green scoop” energy—but with a sensible 10 grams of protein and zero dairy-related regret. It’s the kind of snack that makes you feel like you have your life together… even if you’re currently eating it in your car, in a Target parking lot, because parenting is glamorous like that.
Next up: Brownie Batter. Ah, yes, my old friend, chocolate. Specifically, the “I should be a functioning adult but want to lick a mixing bowl” kind of chocolate. These taste suspiciously like the actual batter your mom told you not to eat—but without the risk of salmonella. Instead, you get a rich, fudgy experience with sea salt and enough protein to convince yourself you’ve made a wise nutritional choice. They’re ideal for when you want dessert but also want to pretend you’re making wise decisions.
And then, the surprise contender: Confetti. These things taste like a birthday party crashed into your protein routine and spilled sprinkles everywhere. If you’ve ever looked at a protein snack and thought, “This needs more joy,” Confetti is your answer. It’s cake batter meets grown-up responsibilities, and frankly, it’s the emotional support snack I didn’t know I needed.
Now, do I believe snacks should be this charmingly wholesome? No. Am I mad about it? Also no. Each pack delivers a respectable 10 grams of protein, free from artificial ingredients, unpleasant aftertastes, and the guilt that often accompanies most convenience foods. The only downside? They’re small. Like, “yes, I did check the bag three times to see if I dropped one small.”
But all things considered, Scott’s Protein Balls have managed to do the impossible: make me feel nourished, mildly joyful, and not even a little resentful about eating something healthy—a modern miracle in spherical form.