There are a lot of things I expect from a bagel: roundness, chewiness, and the ability to hold an irresponsible amount of cream cheese without falling apart. What I don’t usually expect is to feel judged by said bagel. Enter Thomas’ High Protein Bagels, strutting onto the breakfast stage with their “20 grams of plant-based protein” like they just bench-pressed a car.
These come in two flavors—Plain and Everything—because apparently “Everything Plus an Ego” didn’t fit on the label. The protein comes from soy, peas, and fava beans, which is great if you’ve always dreamed of eating a farmer’s market in circular carb form. Supposedly, this protein blend provides a “complete amino acid profile.” I was just hoping for something that wouldn’t collapse under a fried egg, but sure, let’s talk amino acids before 8 a.m.
The texture? Surprisingly good. It’s not the sad, rubbery experience you might brace yourself for when biting into a “healthy” bagel. No, this one actually chews like a real bagel—just one that’s spent too much time at the gym. And yes, it does make you feel slightly more virtuous about inhaling a breakfast food that’s the size of your face.
Would I replace every bagel in my life with these? No. Sometimes I want a bagel that doesn’t lecture me about protein intake while I’m still trying to find matching socks. But if you’re someone who religiously counts grams of protein, or you’ve ever used the phrase “macros” unironically, you’ll probably love these. For the rest of us, they’re a nice option when you want to pretend you’ve got your life together before collapsing back into chaos by lunchtime.